Self Esteem

I saw this, this morning and while it confirmed what I already knew about liposuction (having experienced it) it serves as a good reminder about our self esteem.

(maybe avoid reading this while you are eating!)

http://www.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/real-life/i-watched-my-own-plastic-surgery-20121218-2bkap.html

Happy times ahead

I can’t recall a Christmas day that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed for a very long time. Having separated parents often left me feeling like although I was with one parent, I was missing the other one and often feeling guilty that I couldn’t be in two places at once. I know that I have enjoyed parts of Christmas days gone by but my overwhelming feeling about the day isn’t great.

Despite that, I love the lead up to Christmas, the lights, parties, catching up with family and friends, decorating a tree and advent calendars. I am lucky to be in a good place this year and am hopeful that the Christmas period will be fun and filled with happy memories.

Me, myself and I

So things are starting to sink in a bit....I don’t cope well with change and I have needed some time to myself to come to terms with all the change in my life. I am getting used to it all and learning to adapt to living with someone again.

I find that it’s been hard in the last 12 months to trust again, let someone into my life and relax into a new relationship. I think back to times when I was much more carefree and able to be optimistic about everything. I do realise that this is all a part of growing up, changing and learning from things but it upsets me that our innocence is lost and cannot be restored. I remember back to times living with two little girls and think about how wild their imaginations where, how the simplest item could amuse them for hours and a story or a hug was enough calm them down and settle them. If only it was that easy as an adult.

During the difficult times, I’ve learnt to rely on myself and my friends and turn to them when I need help or support. Largely though, through self preservation I’ve relied only on myself. I figured that way I was less likely to end up getting hurt because I could control things.

Whirlwind

So a lot has changed in a very short space of  time.......

• I turned 30
• I enjoyed 10 amazing days in Thailand
• My ex returned (without the children)
• My boyfriend moved into my place
• I went back to work after holidays
• I was proposed to and said yes....so I'm getting married!

See.....a lot of things! I feel emotionally drained but also excited about the future.

A year on

Well, there were moments in the past 12 months that i didn't think I would survive. The pain of separating and losing contact with two small children has been indescribable at times. Although the pain comes in waves and I miss the children terribly, I have learned to compartmentalize my feelings. A few months ago I picked up a small pink box and over time have slowly packed away things that belonged or remind me of the girls as well as photos and cards that I had bought them for their birthdays this year (but never sent). I have opened the box a few times and had a good cry but also smiled at the memories shared and lessons learned.

Life goes on, I accept this. I am in a good place now, wonderful partner, great house, supportive work mates and fabulous friends and family. I know I don't regret anything that's changed, but I do wish at times I was spared the pain and still had a relationship with the girls.

My friends are fabulous

One thing that never ceases to amaze me is the supportive friends I have. This much I know....you can't afford to lose your friends as you enter into a new relationship. I've been guilty of this before, when I was younger. But as I approach 30, I am proud that I am able to maintain fabulous friendships and a wonderful relationship.

Sometimes I question my strength and ability to push through the lows of depression and the indescribable pain of being apart from two small children. But I've learned to try and when all else fails, ask my friends for help. It's a hard thing to do sometimes especially because know one wants to feel like a burden. What I've learned though is that it's better to ask for help than suffer in silence.

Too much

There is only so much one person can take in one day. After an emotional weekend I woke this morning feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. Sometimes when you think the past is dealt with and filed away it rears its head and takes you by surprise.

Seriously

I mentioned in an earlier blog about the hand print in my car left behind from a very special little girl. I couldn't bring myself to wipe it off but I took my car to get professionally cleaned today before I sell it and to my surprise when I got back in the car the hand print was still there! So not only did I have to see it again, I had to get in and clean it myself...not what I needed today.

A sense of achievement

It’s nice after a busy weekend to look back see what you have achieved. Often I think I’ve done nothing, no washing, no cleaning, didn’t catch up with as many friends as I wanted etc but this weekend I built a desk! Which meant building it from its flat pack state into something that resembled a nice work space. This also meant that I had to sort through my house to ensure the desk could fit and put my new found storage space to good use!  So I feel like I achieved a few things which is nice....admittedly I didn’t clean as much and I was so lucky that my partner washed, dried and folded my washing (how spoilt am I!)

This week I’m hoping to achieve a few more things, cleaning my bedroom, sorting out my wardrobe and filing the pile of paperwork that has been accuring on my bedroom floor!  

Highs with the Lows

One thing that amazes me about having to say goodbye to children is that the grieving process comes in such waves. You can be coasting along just fine and then all of a sudden you are thrown. I’ve ordered a new car and while I’m excited about it, it will be hard to get rid of my current car. Yes there are lots of memories, the drive from Alice Springs to Canberra, testing out how much you can fit in a small car but probably the hardest has to do with the children that used to be in my life. There is one little handprint on the back window from the littlest girl and I’ve never been able to bring myself to wash it off. It may seem silly and while I’ve been able to pack away other memories I haven’t been able to remove the handprint.

Every day I think of those girls, I miss them and would give anything to spend even an hour with them. Yes it does get easier but it hasn’t gone away. I trust that one day the pain will be less severe and they won’t cross my mind as often but that time isn’t now and I will need to ride the waves of grief a little longer.

Now for my mother and friends that read this.....I am ok. It’s just one of those difficult days J

Things not so good

I know  when I’m struggling with my depression because I start eating orange cream biscuits and doing jigsaw puzzles. Might be a strange combination but it works! When I was going onto medication for the second time I was feeling quite nauseous and could stomach any food I had in the house. So I took myself to the shops and grabbed a few random items one of which being orange creams. Not sure what it is about them but they were the one thing that didn’t make me want to throw up. It’s very rare I eat them now as things are generally under control (which is good cause they aren’t the healthiest thing!).

As for the puzzles, they allow my brain to focus on one piece of the puzzle at a time. I don’t get overwhelmed by the complexity of a puzzle or how challenging it will be rather I focus on one piece at a time. I can honestly say it is the only time that my brain is pretty much silent and that is so peaceful.

Space needed

It's been one of those days and I am craving some space and time to myself. I've been feeling irritable and just over things.....so after getting home from work and doing a few housey things I changed into my pj's and have been watching tv in bed. I know that this is a luxury that most people can't afford but I figure now that I don't have to be responsible for anyone else I can enjoy a lazy night in. Time to watch Winners and Losers then sleep time for me :)

Olivia

I was watching a story on tv on the weekend about Olivia Penpraze and it just broke my heart.

“I suck at introductions, and I don’t know where to start. My name is Liv, and I guess I look like your normal happy teenager...”This is how Olivia’s video blog post started and as the video went on you saw cards with Olivia’s thoughts about bullying and suicide. It was a very honest video and in today’s world of internet etc I guess it was her way of communicating with the outside world.

  

Olivia’s father was interviewed and he estimated around 15,000 people had watched that video between the time it was posted in January 2012 and early May 3 at the time of her death. What is unbelievable is that no one contacted Olivia’s parents to tell them about the video.  Was it a case of it was too hard for anyone to speak up or intervene?

At the age of 19 I can understand how hard it would have been for Olivia to communicate and really articulate how she felt on the inside. Only now in my late 20’s can I begin to try and explain how my own head works being depressed. How are teenagers today meant to explain how they feel when they are dealing with social media along with the other more traditional forms of bullying?  

Back to Reality

I've just had three days off work so only a very short working week for me. I'd planned these days off to do nothing.....people question this but really I was reaching breaking point and I knew I needed some time to chill out and really relax. I didn't want to go away travelling etc I wanted to be at home which feels like a novelty at present with life being so busy.

I'm so pleased that I've taken this time to myself I've slept, watched tv, movies, eaten yummy foods, caught up with good friends and scrapbooked. It sounds busy when it's listed out but really I feel rested, relaxed and my head space is a lot clearer.

I'm looking forward to getting back into the office tomorrow and hope my mini break at home is enough to get me through until my next lot of holidays!!

Why I like blogs

So a good friend of mine started a blog recently and it led me to question why I like having a blog and why I like reading them .

Basically for me I only became interested in blogs when I was considering a surgical procedure last year. I found myself curious about what people really went through and a bit sceptical about the stories you would read on surgeons websites. I was lucky enough to stumble across a wonderful blog about a girls journey leading up to and after the same surgery and it was so useful to me. It helped me better prepare for meetings with my doctor about the procedure and formulate what questions I should be asking.

I then found blogs useful again as I transitioned in to the role of a ‘step mum’. Coupled with counselling for me and my partner at the time I found it useful to connect with other people in the same situation as me for advice and ideas on how to approach living with children that aren’t biologically yours. Being behind a computer reading things and asking questions is a safe way to address what are sometimes very sensitive and politically incorrect issues/concerns.

For me, blogs are a forum that I can use to share my thoughts, without judgement and simply just be me, which I find both refreshing and empowering.

Missing my person

It’s only been like 9 days since my person went overseas on a holiday. I always knew I would miss him but he is a shift worker so it’s not uncommon to go a week without really seeing each other. But he called a short time ago and it hit home how much I miss him and that he still has another few weeks away. I have managed to get through the first week by keeping very busy and now as things settle down I’m finding myself with more free time. I will use this time to focus on myself, clear my head and have some good nanna naps!

It’s funny how we can be so independent and cope just fine as a single person and enjoy the freedom but things can change very quickly when you meet someone. Having been so hurt previously it took a long time to learn to trust again and now that I do it’s nice to have someone to share things with. I’m very lucky to have a person who accepts me and my crazy mind and is supportive and caring unconditionally.

My Person

So I thought I would quickly explain this concept of ‘my person’ before I start writing about him. This label was created by my flatmate when he was struggling to define the stage of my relationship....somewhere between dating and an actual relationship! Now the term has stuck and even though we are now firmly in the relationship stage it’s still fun to refer to him as my person J  

only Tuesday

I woke up this morning and thought....it’s only Tuesday. I’m counting down to the end of this week so I can have 5 days off. I’m going away for the weekend and then having a few days at home to do very little. People have commented that I should go away for longer but I can’t help but think how nice it will be to have some time at home to do nothing. No work, no flatmates during the day, day time tv, sleeping all just sounds lovely to me and exactly what I need.

I’m not sure when life go so busy but I feel like I am constantly on the go. By the time we get through our working week, it’s the weekend and that is full of washing, cleaning, cooking, gardening etc. When you think about it, none of that stuff is really important. I would prefer to spend my time catching up with friends or having some time to myself.

I thought life was busy and then I started dating again! Dating is time consuming and nerve racking so it uses up a lot of energy! I’m pleased to say I’m in a good place in my relationship now but we got to a point where between me meeting his friends, him meeting mine and having time to get to know each other it was sooooo busy and overwhelming!  

Hello again....

Well let's try this again. Life has been crazy recently and instead of keeping the challenges and highlights to myself I'm going to share them. This is in the hope that one day someone may benefit from me sharing my story. I was first diagnosed with depression over 5 years ago and while I'm quite open about it, there is still a definite stigma attached to it. Part of coping for me is to talk about how things are for me and to be able to verbalize what I need to help me cope. I've become better at acknowledging that I need space, take a moment to breathe when I need it and having people around me when I'm feeling flat. I'm also very lucky that I have wonderful friends that so supportive. So this blog started as a record of life as a 'stepmum', then singledom and now the focus has shifted again to be just about me and how I cope with life....trying to be positive and smile :)

Smiling!

Well I've had a good day, I actually slept five hours straight last night!! It doesn't sound like much but for me it's an achievement. I'm hoping tonight is another good sleep.

So today this is what I'm grateful for:
1. My health and ability to now run again!
2. New beginnings (I know I've given new beginnings in the past but I'm starting to embrace it)
3. My team at work who make me laugh and keep me on my toes
4. Friends who are there without question
5. Growing up and being able to face my fears and challenges

I'm a bit happy tonight, I think my exercise session is going to my head!

Take two

Yes yes I know it's been too long between blogs and a few people have commented on that!

So quickly here are 10 things that have happened to me in the last two weeks:
1. Got bought out of an investment property
2. Bought someone out of another place
3. Had a flatmate move out with no notice
4. Saw the little girls I used to live with (amazing!)
5. Found a new flat mate who moved in promptly
6. Learnt some new crafty things
7. Attended a christening and a 1st birthday party
8. Got cornered about a blind date
9. Grew webbed feet as a result of all the rain
10. Got hooked on MyKitchen Rules and Revenge!

So it's been a crazy few weeks but overall I'm beginning to feel much stronger :)

The Weekend!

Gotta love the weekends.....time to relax, catch up with friends and do the things we love. So much so I haven't blogged for a few days :)

Here is the final installment of the 95 questions....

What makes you feel comfortable? being in my bed, in my house
What’s something about you that has never changed? my loyalty towards my friends
What will be different about your life in exactly one year? hopefully I will be more accepting of my single status and looking forward to the idea of dating. But at the moment that is a while off!
What mistakes do you make over and over again? sometimes i am too nice and don't say no when i should
What do you have a hard time saying “no” to? my negative thoughts
Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? there is no point doing something you don't believe in. I think you get to a point where if you don't believe in it then it's not worth it, for me I think of my job and am lucky to be in a role where I do really place importance on the policy area I work on.
What’s something that used to scare you, but no longer does? Being single used to scare me beyond words but I am slowly growing more comfortable with it.
What promise to yourself do you still need to fulfill? that I will go on a holiday overseas
What do you appreciate most about your current situation? the support I have from my colleagues, friends and family. In times of stress you really do find out who truly supports you unconditionally.
What’s something simple that makes you smile? seeing my friends children achieve new things
So far, what has been the primary focus of your life? my family and being self sufficient
How do you know when it’s time to move on? I think you just know
What’s something you wish you could do one more time? I can't think of anything right now
When you’re 90-years-old, what will matter to you the most? family and friends and being able to reflect on a life full of wonderful memories.
What would you regret not fully doing, being, or having in your life? I hope there are no regrets, I think there would be somethings I would say 'I wish I did that sooner' but the last few months has taught me that things happen for a reason (even though we don't often know at the time what that reason is).

Time will tell what I am meant to achieve in this life time :)

This weather sucks

I had an ok sort of day today, I'm a bit sick of this fake summer weather we are having here.....sunny days would be lovely. Rain rain go away :) 

More questions for you....well actually me!

What are you glad you quit? not sure
What do you need to spend more time doing? really relaxing
What are you naturally good at? craft
What have you been counting or keeping track of recently? days
What has the little voice inside your head been saying lately? something has to go right
What’s something you should always be careful with? people's hearts and feelings
What should always be taken seriously? your gut feeling
What should never be taken seriously? if the question was 'too seriously' then I'd say myself!
What are three things you can’t get enough of? chocolate, time with friends, sleep
What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? give my opinion more
What fascinates you? people
What’s the difference between being alive and truly living? be honest with yourself
What’s something you would do every day if you could? spend times with friends
At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? being newly heartbroken
Which is worse, failing or never trying? never trying
What makes you feel incomplete? sleep
When did you experience a major turning point in your life? at age 11
What or who do you wish you lived closer to? mum, little brother
If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be? life is to short, tell the people you love that you love them
What’s something you know you can count on? me

Valentine's Day

My view on Valentine's day was always that it was a bit over the top and a bit of a commercial holiday. But for some people it's a reminder that they need to make time for each other. I've been lucky enough to get flowers on Valentine's day before but I much prefer those little surprises throughout the year which remind you that you are loved and appreciated. I also appreciated the fact that there was a birthday at work which was a nice distraction.

I'm slowly making my way through the 95 questions to Happiness and I'm finding it really helpful.

What are you known for by your friends and family? over thinking and crying
What’s something most people don’t know about you? I had surgery last year
What’s a common misconception people have about you? that I'm a very confident person (I'm lucky I can pull that off at work!)
What’s something a lot of people do that you disagree with? not learning from mistakes
What’s a belief you hold with which many people disagree? can't think of anything right now
What’s something that’s harder for you than it is for most people? sleeping
What are the top three qualities you look for in a friend? loyalty, kindness, sincerity
If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? not sure
When you think of ‘home,’ what, specifically, do you think of? my bed
What’s the most valuable thing you own? my house
If you had to move 3000 miles away, what would you miss most? my girlfriends
What would make you smile right now? A phone call from a little friend
What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy? a jigsaw puzzle
What do you wish did not exist in your life? depression
What should you avoid to improve your life? stressful situations that I can't control
What is something you would hate to go without for a day? my phone
What’s the biggest lie you once believed was true? good things come to those who wait
What’s something bad that happened to you that made you stronger? my parents separation
What’s something nobody could ever steal from you? my sense of hope
What’s something you disliked when you were younger that you truly enjoy today? avocado

A few tears

I've had a rotten day today, a few tears and it caught me a bit by surprise. I moved buildings at work today and I think the change just was too much. Seems just so silly but like I've said before the waves of emotion come and go and I can't help it. I really just want things to be finalised with my former partner, it's holding me back and I've had enough. I know this is a meant to be 30 days of positive blogs but something has to give. Oh well, I've been for a big walk today to clear my head so hopefully I sleep well tonight and tomorrow is a new day.

A few more questions....31 - 40 
 
What’s something new you recently learned about yourself? I am strong
What do you sometimes pretend to understand that you really do not? other people's logic
In one sentence, what do you wish for your future self? a life filled with positive people, love, happiness, health and adventures
What worries you most about the future? will I ever be good enough
When you look into the past, what do you miss most? two little girls
What’s something from the past that you don’t miss at all? being at home when my mum has to write reports
What recently reminded you of how fast time flies? my little brother starting year 9
What is the biggest challenge you face right now? staying positive while being confused and challenged
In one word, how would you describe your personality? generous
What never fails to frustrate you? stupid people

95 Questions - part 2

Here we go with the next few questions.....

1. What is one thing right now that you are totally sure of? I have awesome friends
2. What’s been bothering you lately? why my life isn't the way i thought it would be
3. What are you scared of? creepy crawlies and heights
4. What has fear of failure stopped you from doing? going on a date
5. What will you never give up on? love
6. What do you want to remember forever? how it feels to be loved unconditionally
7. What makes you feel secure? snuggling under the doona
8. Which activities make you lose track of time? jigsaw puzzles
9. What’s the most difficult decision you’ve ever made? to leave Alice Springs
10. What’s the best decision you’ve ever made? leaving Alice Springs
11. What are you most grateful for? my health
12. What is worth the pain? surgery
13. In order of importance, how would you rank: happiness, money, love, health, fame? happiness, love, health, money, fame
14. What is something you’ve always wanted, but don’t yet have? a passport
15. What was the most defining moment in your life during this past year? I didn't chose this but it was my relationship ending and having to be independent
16. What’s the number one change you need to make in your life in the next twelve months? own a house on my own
17. What’s the number one thing you want to achieve in the next five years? travel
18. What is the biggest motivator in your life right now? being on my own and being self sufficient
19. What will you never do? cheat
20. What’s something you said you’d never do, but have since done? give in to someone to keep the peace

95 Questions - part 1

The following is taken from 95 Questions to Help You Find Meaning and Happiness. I saw this and thought it was a good way to kick start me thinking about the way forward.

I won't get through all 95 questions tonight but over the next few days i will tackle them all....

1. In one sentence, who are you? I'm just trying to be myself, honest, loving, friendly, generous however I am well know for over thinking and analysing things
2. Why do you matter? because I am awesome!
3. What is your life motto? Live your life out loud
4. What’s something you have that everyone wants? freedom and time on my own
5. What is missing in your life? my own children
6. What’s been on your mind most lately? loss, grief, the future
7. Happiness is a ________? being content in yourself
8. What stands between you and happiness? myself and my over thinking
9. What do you need most right now? my friends
10. What does the child inside you long for? approval and acceptance

Day 16 :)

Trying to be positive today was hard, between rainy weather and packing up my desk to move to a new building it was a challenge. But I had a work out to look forward to with a few girlfriends tonight (although I was a bit worried about the pain I'd be in afterwards!)

I had an appointment with a counsellor this week which left me drained but also a bit relieved. Let's be honest.....grieving sucks. I'm just putting it out there but having to walk away from a family and in particular two children does require you to go through a grieving process. At times I struggle with things like walking past children's clothing or toys and other times I am aware that I am missing significant occasions. It is very hard to deal with this stuff and I just wish it was easier. But some very wise friends have told me that it will get easier and part of that is riding the waves of grief. Some days are good and other times you are struck by a wave of emotion that leaves you in tears in the strangest place....like on the bus or in a restaurant (very embarrassing!)

On a positive note, I get to catch up with a great friend tomorrow and am so looking forward to that and maybe a cocktail!

hope you all have a happy Friday!

Day 13 - game face

So I'm sitting on the bus and trying to prepare myself for another week. Trying not to preempt anything but focusing on staying positive even of something unexpected happens.

I do love a little bit of country music and below is part of the song 'Not Ready to make Nice' by the Dixie Chicks. It played on my iPod a short time ago and I think it will be my song of the week and remind me to hold firm, stand my ground and stick up for myself.

"I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time
To go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself
To do what it is you think I should
What it is you think I should"

Miss motivated

yay for me and my friends doing some exercise thus arvo!! I feel good and proud of myself (and also very very unfit!!)

This week my goal is to continue on the exercise regime and focus on looking hot in a new dress (which I will buy very soon!)

My other goals this week include, finish backing up everything on my computer, eat healthier and try to sleep more than 4 hours in a row!

I've been slack

So I've been busy lately and have neglected to blog...oops!

It's been an up and down few days but I'm feeling quite positive today. I've been productive, house work done, visited friends, grocery shopping finished....now time to relax :)

Tomorrow I have a quiet day planned and am going to enjoy every minute. Apart that is from the jogging/running part in the evening!! Time for some better eating habits and exercise....wish me luck (I'm gonna need it!!)

Day 8 ........

Not much to say today....missing someone special and thinking of her today and always.

Day 7 - highs and lows

So I was off to a good start but some over thinking occurred while on the bus coming home. Still a bit fragile and off to dinner with friends which turned into a few tears. I was able to quickly recover though. I think it's important to have a cry every now and again. I feel less tense afterwards :)

Today I'm grateful for friends, family, funny movies and food (mainly a choc top dipped in popcorn!!!)

Day 6 - a good day

Another day gone and it was actually a pretty good one. Started off slow as I was a bit down in the dumps however I forced myself to be positive. It was also nice to come home to two great flatmates. Both very different people but great individuals and I'm pleased to say we have a fun house. Don't misunderstand me, it's definitely not a party house but as far as share houses go its pretty great :)

At my low point today I struggled with the feelings of 'what did I do to deserve this' and 'how did I end up here' and 'will it ever get better'. Logically I know the answers to these questions but it's only natural to try to work out how my behaviour could've changed things.im also aware that my former partner is making plans in his new relationship. I'm not wanting to go back to how things were but how is it possible for someone to move on so quickly? It's like I never existed. Guess its easier when you are the one who has made the decision to move on.

Enough venting and trying to sort through things today. I'm exhausted!

Tomorrow is a new day and I'm thinking of setting a goal for myself. Nothing major but just something small and achievable

Day 4 and 5 - a bump in the road

You know the old saying 'if you dont have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all'...well that sums up my last two days. I was saddened when I had to come home after spending quality time with some of my fave people and the reality of a little Missy's upcoming birthday. Some moments are harder than others and it's hard to accept some changes. I'm getting there and only because I'm trying to keep myself busy. Hence, I didn't write yesterday.

Today has been relaxing and productive. I guess we all need a reminder to get more organized and sort through the clutter in our lives....this weeken I've tackled my computer, deleting music, photos, old docs and other random things to clear space for new stuff! You may think its sad but I'm very proud of this achievement cause I've been procrastinating for weeks...yay me!!

Day three

Its been an awesome few days away from home. Nothing like non stop tennis and reality tv to keep the troubles away. Little things still get to me...baby things, little girls clothes. It's at these moments my mind wanders to what could have been and memories. I'm trying ever so hard to be positive and be grateful for what I do have.

I was lucky enough today to get a visit from a great friend. That made me happy, and was my reality check that I'm so lucky to have wonderful supportive friends!! No need to be sad, time to look forward to things like holidays, my new place, meeting new people. But first a good nights sleep and a yummy breakfast before heading home tomorrow.

Day two = lazy day

What a great day...good food,great company, relaxation, tennis and trashy tv!! Couldn't have asked for a better day! I'm still exhausted (prob a combination of too much food and everything catching up with me).

We celebrated Australia day with lamb on the BBQ, Tim tams, damper and cheese cubes! We even had toothpicks with Aussie flags on them!

The highlight for me was being away from my normal environment, change of scenery, company and (as always) delicious Aussie food :)

Here goes...day one!

I'm off to Sydney as we speak to visit my sister and brother in law. With good intentions to assist my sister recovering from surgery in also secretly looking forward to trashy tv, a block or two of chocolate and some relaxation from my crazy world (which is largely dominated by my over thinking mind!)

Was reminded today of how grateful I am to be in a new job where people are supportive and caring. We still work hard but things are more in perspective on that front. One other upside is that people don't know me!!! I'm excited because it means I can avoid questions about my former relationship and little miss muffets which were inevitably followed by a sigh and a comment like 'you'll find somebody else'. I acknowledge people's good intentions but really the situation sucks enough without everyone I work with knowing my business!

All in all a good day :) topped off with cuddles from my fave 3month old!

Hope you have all your Oz day decorations organized for tomorrow :)

Kick Start

Yep I've been slack in terms of blogging. Guess I've had a lot of down days recently and just couldn't find the effort to blog. But now going to make an effort to blog once a day for 30 days. It dawned on me today amidst the angst of being single I also have some funny stories to share.

So get set for 30 days of stories about my new life will no doubt include funny stories about setting up a house, changing a million light globes, selecting tenants, navigating singledom and a new job!! I can't promise every post will be positive cause as I've said before some people and situations are just stupid and there ain't nothing I can do about that!

Finally a new year

Lets see what 2012 will bring. It didn't start off as planned but I'm in control now and things are going to improve. I'm grateful for all the support in my life but it's a strange feeling starting over again. I feel alone, exposed and lacking in some confidence but I need to stay positive. Despite what some people may think, my life isn't over because I'm not married or don't have children it's just different to what people expect. I'm healthy, have a great job, wonderful friends, property, ambition and kind heart. I'm a good person and I'm worthy of being happy I don't have to settle for second best. This year is going to be wonderful.

Ok, enough of a pep talk for myself...I'm off to bed!