The Weekend!

Gotta love the weekends.....time to relax, catch up with friends and do the things we love. So much so I haven't blogged for a few days :)

Here is the final installment of the 95 questions....

What makes you feel comfortable? being in my bed, in my house
What’s something about you that has never changed? my loyalty towards my friends
What will be different about your life in exactly one year? hopefully I will be more accepting of my single status and looking forward to the idea of dating. But at the moment that is a while off!
What mistakes do you make over and over again? sometimes i am too nice and don't say no when i should
What do you have a hard time saying “no” to? my negative thoughts
Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? there is no point doing something you don't believe in. I think you get to a point where if you don't believe in it then it's not worth it, for me I think of my job and am lucky to be in a role where I do really place importance on the policy area I work on.
What’s something that used to scare you, but no longer does? Being single used to scare me beyond words but I am slowly growing more comfortable with it.
What promise to yourself do you still need to fulfill? that I will go on a holiday overseas
What do you appreciate most about your current situation? the support I have from my colleagues, friends and family. In times of stress you really do find out who truly supports you unconditionally.
What’s something simple that makes you smile? seeing my friends children achieve new things
So far, what has been the primary focus of your life? my family and being self sufficient
How do you know when it’s time to move on? I think you just know
What’s something you wish you could do one more time? I can't think of anything right now
When you’re 90-years-old, what will matter to you the most? family and friends and being able to reflect on a life full of wonderful memories.
What would you regret not fully doing, being, or having in your life? I hope there are no regrets, I think there would be somethings I would say 'I wish I did that sooner' but the last few months has taught me that things happen for a reason (even though we don't often know at the time what that reason is).

Time will tell what I am meant to achieve in this life time :)

This weather sucks

I had an ok sort of day today, I'm a bit sick of this fake summer weather we are having here.....sunny days would be lovely. Rain rain go away :) 

More questions for you....well actually me!

What are you glad you quit? not sure
What do you need to spend more time doing? really relaxing
What are you naturally good at? craft
What have you been counting or keeping track of recently? days
What has the little voice inside your head been saying lately? something has to go right
What’s something you should always be careful with? people's hearts and feelings
What should always be taken seriously? your gut feeling
What should never be taken seriously? if the question was 'too seriously' then I'd say myself!
What are three things you can’t get enough of? chocolate, time with friends, sleep
What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? give my opinion more
What fascinates you? people
What’s the difference between being alive and truly living? be honest with yourself
What’s something you would do every day if you could? spend times with friends
At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? being newly heartbroken
Which is worse, failing or never trying? never trying
What makes you feel incomplete? sleep
When did you experience a major turning point in your life? at age 11
What or who do you wish you lived closer to? mum, little brother
If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be? life is to short, tell the people you love that you love them
What’s something you know you can count on? me

Valentine's Day

My view on Valentine's day was always that it was a bit over the top and a bit of a commercial holiday. But for some people it's a reminder that they need to make time for each other. I've been lucky enough to get flowers on Valentine's day before but I much prefer those little surprises throughout the year which remind you that you are loved and appreciated. I also appreciated the fact that there was a birthday at work which was a nice distraction.

I'm slowly making my way through the 95 questions to Happiness and I'm finding it really helpful.

What are you known for by your friends and family? over thinking and crying
What’s something most people don’t know about you? I had surgery last year
What’s a common misconception people have about you? that I'm a very confident person (I'm lucky I can pull that off at work!)
What’s something a lot of people do that you disagree with? not learning from mistakes
What’s a belief you hold with which many people disagree? can't think of anything right now
What’s something that’s harder for you than it is for most people? sleeping
What are the top three qualities you look for in a friend? loyalty, kindness, sincerity
If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? not sure
When you think of ‘home,’ what, specifically, do you think of? my bed
What’s the most valuable thing you own? my house
If you had to move 3000 miles away, what would you miss most? my girlfriends
What would make you smile right now? A phone call from a little friend
What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy? a jigsaw puzzle
What do you wish did not exist in your life? depression
What should you avoid to improve your life? stressful situations that I can't control
What is something you would hate to go without for a day? my phone
What’s the biggest lie you once believed was true? good things come to those who wait
What’s something bad that happened to you that made you stronger? my parents separation
What’s something nobody could ever steal from you? my sense of hope
What’s something you disliked when you were younger that you truly enjoy today? avocado

A few tears

I've had a rotten day today, a few tears and it caught me a bit by surprise. I moved buildings at work today and I think the change just was too much. Seems just so silly but like I've said before the waves of emotion come and go and I can't help it. I really just want things to be finalised with my former partner, it's holding me back and I've had enough. I know this is a meant to be 30 days of positive blogs but something has to give. Oh well, I've been for a big walk today to clear my head so hopefully I sleep well tonight and tomorrow is a new day.

A few more questions....31 - 40 
 
What’s something new you recently learned about yourself? I am strong
What do you sometimes pretend to understand that you really do not? other people's logic
In one sentence, what do you wish for your future self? a life filled with positive people, love, happiness, health and adventures
What worries you most about the future? will I ever be good enough
When you look into the past, what do you miss most? two little girls
What’s something from the past that you don’t miss at all? being at home when my mum has to write reports
What recently reminded you of how fast time flies? my little brother starting year 9
What is the biggest challenge you face right now? staying positive while being confused and challenged
In one word, how would you describe your personality? generous
What never fails to frustrate you? stupid people

95 Questions - part 2

Here we go with the next few questions.....

1. What is one thing right now that you are totally sure of? I have awesome friends
2. What’s been bothering you lately? why my life isn't the way i thought it would be
3. What are you scared of? creepy crawlies and heights
4. What has fear of failure stopped you from doing? going on a date
5. What will you never give up on? love
6. What do you want to remember forever? how it feels to be loved unconditionally
7. What makes you feel secure? snuggling under the doona
8. Which activities make you lose track of time? jigsaw puzzles
9. What’s the most difficult decision you’ve ever made? to leave Alice Springs
10. What’s the best decision you’ve ever made? leaving Alice Springs
11. What are you most grateful for? my health
12. What is worth the pain? surgery
13. In order of importance, how would you rank: happiness, money, love, health, fame? happiness, love, health, money, fame
14. What is something you’ve always wanted, but don’t yet have? a passport
15. What was the most defining moment in your life during this past year? I didn't chose this but it was my relationship ending and having to be independent
16. What’s the number one change you need to make in your life in the next twelve months? own a house on my own
17. What’s the number one thing you want to achieve in the next five years? travel
18. What is the biggest motivator in your life right now? being on my own and being self sufficient
19. What will you never do? cheat
20. What’s something you said you’d never do, but have since done? give in to someone to keep the peace

95 Questions - part 1

The following is taken from 95 Questions to Help You Find Meaning and Happiness. I saw this and thought it was a good way to kick start me thinking about the way forward.

I won't get through all 95 questions tonight but over the next few days i will tackle them all....

1. In one sentence, who are you? I'm just trying to be myself, honest, loving, friendly, generous however I am well know for over thinking and analysing things
2. Why do you matter? because I am awesome!
3. What is your life motto? Live your life out loud
4. What’s something you have that everyone wants? freedom and time on my own
5. What is missing in your life? my own children
6. What’s been on your mind most lately? loss, grief, the future
7. Happiness is a ________? being content in yourself
8. What stands between you and happiness? myself and my over thinking
9. What do you need most right now? my friends
10. What does the child inside you long for? approval and acceptance

Day 16 :)

Trying to be positive today was hard, between rainy weather and packing up my desk to move to a new building it was a challenge. But I had a work out to look forward to with a few girlfriends tonight (although I was a bit worried about the pain I'd be in afterwards!)

I had an appointment with a counsellor this week which left me drained but also a bit relieved. Let's be honest.....grieving sucks. I'm just putting it out there but having to walk away from a family and in particular two children does require you to go through a grieving process. At times I struggle with things like walking past children's clothing or toys and other times I am aware that I am missing significant occasions. It is very hard to deal with this stuff and I just wish it was easier. But some very wise friends have told me that it will get easier and part of that is riding the waves of grief. Some days are good and other times you are struck by a wave of emotion that leaves you in tears in the strangest place....like on the bus or in a restaurant (very embarrassing!)

On a positive note, I get to catch up with a great friend tomorrow and am so looking forward to that and maybe a cocktail!

hope you all have a happy Friday!

Day 13 - game face

So I'm sitting on the bus and trying to prepare myself for another week. Trying not to preempt anything but focusing on staying positive even of something unexpected happens.

I do love a little bit of country music and below is part of the song 'Not Ready to make Nice' by the Dixie Chicks. It played on my iPod a short time ago and I think it will be my song of the week and remind me to hold firm, stand my ground and stick up for myself.

"I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time
To go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself
To do what it is you think I should
What it is you think I should"

Miss motivated

yay for me and my friends doing some exercise thus arvo!! I feel good and proud of myself (and also very very unfit!!)

This week my goal is to continue on the exercise regime and focus on looking hot in a new dress (which I will buy very soon!)

My other goals this week include, finish backing up everything on my computer, eat healthier and try to sleep more than 4 hours in a row!

I've been slack

So I've been busy lately and have neglected to blog...oops!

It's been an up and down few days but I'm feeling quite positive today. I've been productive, house work done, visited friends, grocery shopping finished....now time to relax :)

Tomorrow I have a quiet day planned and am going to enjoy every minute. Apart that is from the jogging/running part in the evening!! Time for some better eating habits and exercise....wish me luck (I'm gonna need it!!)

Day 8 ........

Not much to say today....missing someone special and thinking of her today and always.