Olivia

I was watching a story on tv on the weekend about Olivia Penpraze and it just broke my heart.

“I suck at introductions, and I don’t know where to start. My name is Liv, and I guess I look like your normal happy teenager...”This is how Olivia’s video blog post started and as the video went on you saw cards with Olivia’s thoughts about bullying and suicide. It was a very honest video and in today’s world of internet etc I guess it was her way of communicating with the outside world.

  

Olivia’s father was interviewed and he estimated around 15,000 people had watched that video between the time it was posted in January 2012 and early May 3 at the time of her death. What is unbelievable is that no one contacted Olivia’s parents to tell them about the video.  Was it a case of it was too hard for anyone to speak up or intervene?

At the age of 19 I can understand how hard it would have been for Olivia to communicate and really articulate how she felt on the inside. Only now in my late 20’s can I begin to try and explain how my own head works being depressed. How are teenagers today meant to explain how they feel when they are dealing with social media along with the other more traditional forms of bullying?  

Back to Reality

I've just had three days off work so only a very short working week for me. I'd planned these days off to do nothing.....people question this but really I was reaching breaking point and I knew I needed some time to chill out and really relax. I didn't want to go away travelling etc I wanted to be at home which feels like a novelty at present with life being so busy.

I'm so pleased that I've taken this time to myself I've slept, watched tv, movies, eaten yummy foods, caught up with good friends and scrapbooked. It sounds busy when it's listed out but really I feel rested, relaxed and my head space is a lot clearer.

I'm looking forward to getting back into the office tomorrow and hope my mini break at home is enough to get me through until my next lot of holidays!!

Why I like blogs

So a good friend of mine started a blog recently and it led me to question why I like having a blog and why I like reading them .

Basically for me I only became interested in blogs when I was considering a surgical procedure last year. I found myself curious about what people really went through and a bit sceptical about the stories you would read on surgeons websites. I was lucky enough to stumble across a wonderful blog about a girls journey leading up to and after the same surgery and it was so useful to me. It helped me better prepare for meetings with my doctor about the procedure and formulate what questions I should be asking.

I then found blogs useful again as I transitioned in to the role of a ‘step mum’. Coupled with counselling for me and my partner at the time I found it useful to connect with other people in the same situation as me for advice and ideas on how to approach living with children that aren’t biologically yours. Being behind a computer reading things and asking questions is a safe way to address what are sometimes very sensitive and politically incorrect issues/concerns.

For me, blogs are a forum that I can use to share my thoughts, without judgement and simply just be me, which I find both refreshing and empowering.

Missing my person

It’s only been like 9 days since my person went overseas on a holiday. I always knew I would miss him but he is a shift worker so it’s not uncommon to go a week without really seeing each other. But he called a short time ago and it hit home how much I miss him and that he still has another few weeks away. I have managed to get through the first week by keeping very busy and now as things settle down I’m finding myself with more free time. I will use this time to focus on myself, clear my head and have some good nanna naps!

It’s funny how we can be so independent and cope just fine as a single person and enjoy the freedom but things can change very quickly when you meet someone. Having been so hurt previously it took a long time to learn to trust again and now that I do it’s nice to have someone to share things with. I’m very lucky to have a person who accepts me and my crazy mind and is supportive and caring unconditionally.

My Person

So I thought I would quickly explain this concept of ‘my person’ before I start writing about him. This label was created by my flatmate when he was struggling to define the stage of my relationship....somewhere between dating and an actual relationship! Now the term has stuck and even though we are now firmly in the relationship stage it’s still fun to refer to him as my person J  

only Tuesday

I woke up this morning and thought....it’s only Tuesday. I’m counting down to the end of this week so I can have 5 days off. I’m going away for the weekend and then having a few days at home to do very little. People have commented that I should go away for longer but I can’t help but think how nice it will be to have some time at home to do nothing. No work, no flatmates during the day, day time tv, sleeping all just sounds lovely to me and exactly what I need.

I’m not sure when life go so busy but I feel like I am constantly on the go. By the time we get through our working week, it’s the weekend and that is full of washing, cleaning, cooking, gardening etc. When you think about it, none of that stuff is really important. I would prefer to spend my time catching up with friends or having some time to myself.

I thought life was busy and then I started dating again! Dating is time consuming and nerve racking so it uses up a lot of energy! I’m pleased to say I’m in a good place in my relationship now but we got to a point where between me meeting his friends, him meeting mine and having time to get to know each other it was sooooo busy and overwhelming!  

Hello again....

Well let's try this again. Life has been crazy recently and instead of keeping the challenges and highlights to myself I'm going to share them. This is in the hope that one day someone may benefit from me sharing my story. I was first diagnosed with depression over 5 years ago and while I'm quite open about it, there is still a definite stigma attached to it. Part of coping for me is to talk about how things are for me and to be able to verbalize what I need to help me cope. I've become better at acknowledging that I need space, take a moment to breathe when I need it and having people around me when I'm feeling flat. I'm also very lucky that I have wonderful friends that so supportive. So this blog started as a record of life as a 'stepmum', then singledom and now the focus has shifted again to be just about me and how I cope with life....trying to be positive and smile :)